I have hated my body for so long… Mistreated it, yelled at it and neglected it. I thought of it as the enemy. To be defeated and tamed.
But not anymore! Now I want to love it – I want to hear what it has to say, I want to understand it and I want to act in kindness towards it.
From newly found body-love came action-taking and even more love. I am taking control and this is the beginning.
Accepting my body…
For the longest time I have been so (SO) mad at my body. I felt so betrayed by it.
I was eating healthy, I was trying to work out – I did so many of the “right” things and still my body returned the “favor” by gaining weight, hurting, bleeding, breaking.
This hatred to my body ended up consuming me – I looked in the mirror and I saw little that I loved.
I started punishing my body for the things I felt it did to me – I refused to love my body, I refused to care for it and listen to it.
I would ignore it when it hurt – or just muffle what it was trying to tell me by filling it with painkillers.
I would force my size 11 feet into way too small shoes, because I hated them for being big and sometimes even dare to be smelly too. (I admit this – my feet were the worst smelling feet in the world when I was younger)
I never put on lotions or cared for my skin because it gave me stretch marks even when I was 12 years old and thin…
I thought of it as the ultimate enemy – the thing that was standing between me and happiness.
I was convinced that by just loosing those extra pounds I would reach the happily ever after I felt I deserved. And I got so mad when it refused me this joy.
All in all – I hated my body. I never realized what a gift it has given me all this time.
I didn’t wake up just one day and decided to love myself out of the blue… Even though I heard people say “Love yourself” again and again – it didn’t just happen.
It came in small steps, along the way during the past couple of years…
However – these past 2 weeks has changed sooooo much in me!
Mirror, Mirror on the wall…
When I look in the mirror now, I see all the extra pounds, all the bumps and curves, all the old and new stretch marks that form patterns on my tummy in reds and whites – I see everything that I saw before.
But I see them for what they really are – and I am beginning to love them.
I now understand that I have those extra p on me because my body has tried so hard to protect me from things I went through in my life.
The fat in the bumps and curves is there because it encloses all the poisons and toxins that I have been exposed to and produced in my body over the years. Had it not been there, all those harmful things would have been flowing around in my bloodstream and would have done a lot more harm than they have.
My body was protecting me, keeping me safe – and I returned its love with hate and disregard.
I now understand that the stretch marks on my skin and the smells from my feet were screams of attention from a body I muffled and ignored.
Most of all I now understand that I AM my body – I have PCOS etc. I also have the POWER to change that!
And that change starts by loving myself and learning to listen.
After love comes…. action?
So now I am beginning to love myself – I hope to win back the trust of my body.
To show that I am ready to understand and listen – to take action and except my responsibility – I am starting to take action on several of the thing I have known for a while now that I should be doing…
Taking action on what I slather on my skin and hair everyday felt like the perfect place to start.
So I walked into my bathroom about a week ago – grabbed everything I had in there and put it all on our dinning room table. I then picked the few natural things there, took the rest and put it all in a plastic bag.
And I mean everything – my lotions, perfumes, eye shadows, foundations, powders, facial washes, shampoo, conditioners etc.
I couldn’t get myself to throw it all out – that just seems way too wasteful to me – on the other hand I don’t feel like giving it away as I removed from my life because of the harmful effect it has on my body… I don’t want to give that to someone else. For now it is just sitting on top of my closet… I will figure out what to do with it later.
Good bye chemicals – Hello nature!
I have now replaced most of my old stuff with new all natural alternatives…
- The skin care and facial washes have been replaced by oils and wash cloths!
- The lotions have been replaced by oils and an all natural solid body lotion!
- My shampoo and conditioner are now a mix between the Baking soda/apple cider vinegar treatment and some awesome stuff from Lush – alternating my method from time to time and mood to mood…
- My toothpaste and make-up remover mostly consist of coconut oil now…
- And my make-up… (my dear sweet make-up..) have all been carefully chosen from brands that make their products from organic, all natural ingredients!
Before I couldn’t always be bothered to clean my skin, or put on lotion and makeup – Now I can hardly wait.
And already I can feel the difference.
Actually I feel it so much that I have decided to create a new category here on the blog just for make-up and beauty routines… I never thought that would be part of what I write about but as it turned out, it has to be!
As always I would love to hear from you dear reader! How do you view your body? Do you listen and understand what it tells you, or like me – ignore and respond in anger? Have you changed your make-up routine, products etc.? Do you remember to love yourself?
Feel free to comment down below <3
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